Weaning a Toddler from Breastfeeding

I have a beautiful, whip smart, ebullient, and demanding toddler.  Recently, I weaned her from breastfeeding. It does make me a little sad to be done, but it was time.  

After 4 kids and over 8 years of nursing I really needed to be done.  I started resenting the tug on my shirt and the request for boobie time.  It seemed like she was so entrenched in nursing day and night that it would go on forever.  I felt really tied down.  I was so sleep deprived from the lingering night nursing I knew I needed to be proactive.  

I had practiced child-led weaning with my first three kids.  My first child stopped nursing at 3, my second barely squeaked into the second year, as did my third.  For our fourth child I had hoped to make it to 2 years.  When the 2 year mark had come and gone I was 
d-o-n-e.  This is where some moms will say, "How selfish!  They don't stay little forever!"  

To this I say: You are right!  They don't stay little forever.  However, when and how a woman weans is a personal decision that no one can make but the nursing mother.   Whether you are weaning for health, work, or personal preference, no one gets to make that decision for you, but you.  

I was bone tired of being exhausted.  I am a better mommy when I am well rested.  I enjoy my kids more when I have the energy to keep up with them and they enjoy me!  We made it well past our goal and she was largely nursing for comfort.  I feel zero guilt.  Mamas need to be a little selfish. 

Comfort nursing is important to support the emotional development of the young toddler.  However, there comes a time when you can support emotional development by other means than nursing.  I decided it was the right time when she became much more physically independent and verbal.  She could tell me what was bothering her and she could adeptly do many things for herself because she needed and wanted to.  Weaning a toddler can be very challenging.  I found a helpful article on weaning a child over the age of 2 here.

From start to finish it took about 6 months to wean.  I began weaning a month after she turned 2.  I dropped the mid-morning session first.  There were times it seemed she would not be dissuaded.  

Toddler:  Mommy, I want stawberry boobee!

Me:  How about a story!  Can you help me pick out a book?  

Sometimes it would be met with a big Nooo!  I remained consistent.  Eventually, she learned that just because I was not allowing her to nurse it did not mean that we couldn't snuggle.  I was still with her and caring for her.

I kept the morning, nap, bedtime, and "comfort" sessions during the day and overnight.  I used a lot of distraction methods by offering a snuggle or playtime together in lieu of nursing. Again, I give lots of hugs throughout her day.  Distraction does not mean no one-on one time it just means it is done in a different way using different activities to connect.

There were some set-backs whenever she got a virus because I did not feel comfortable denying her "boobie-time" when she was ill.  I know nursing helped her immune system and I did not want to take that support away.  I dropped a session a week and sometimes waited 2-4 weeks depending on how she was adjusting before dropping another session.  

Finally, we were down to only one nursing session at naptime.  I was able to offer snuggling and a book instead of nursing by distracting her when she would ask for it.  I would have a stack of picture books near our usual resting places and I would pick a book and offer it opened to a page with an interesting scene.  I was successful with this most of the time.

After a while she stopped asking every day but would ask now and again and I would offer a snuggle and a book or some other activity that included me.  If I needed to get something done I had her next to me "helping" fold laundry or getting dinner ready.    

It has now been 3 months since we weaned.  She rarely asks for "stawberry boobie" at bed or naptime.(Sometime at the beginning of this year we had made a joke of one breast being strawberry and the other chocolate and the labels stuck.)  Now, she just mentions that I have boobies now and again.

"Mommy have boobies, chocate and stawberry."  Then she giggles.  

I feel really good about where we are.  She has the support and comfort she needs.  I have the freedom to move about my day enjoying my growing family.  

Things to Consider When Deciding to Wean Your Toddler:

Is your child verbal?  Can he/she express themselves well enough to be understood?  

This really makes a difference with the emotional challenges of weaning.  It helps ease the transition if they can label their feelings (with your help) in even the most basic words.  It is another way to connect.

Do they have the motor skills to get dressed on their own or play with more engaging toys and activities?

The practice of distraction comes into play here.  Snuggling with a great picture book was key for us.  Dress-up has also been a favorite pastime for my daughter.  Playing with open-ended toys together, like wooden blocks or play dough, are favorites.

Being able to offer them a special toy or a more engaging activity is very helpful.  You want the activity to challenge them without causing too much frustration.  You can make up a special shoebox or bag of toys that only come out when they request nursing.  

We played in our sensory/vegetable garden a lot.  Unless it is raining or snowing we go out and play with flowers, leaves, and soil.  We have child size garden tools as well.  If you don't have access to a yard you can use planters on the patio or in front of a sunny window.  Sensory tables and tubs are great for when you can not be outside and they help contain messes.  I like to take a different approach to this practice.  

Instead of tubs I use large mixing bowls.  Tubs have never really contained the mess with our little ones.  I use only what we normally have on hand for actual real-life activities.  If I am baking/cooking they get their own bowl of flour etc.  I use natural materials whenever possible and do my best to encourage activities "in-context".  This is not to say we don't encourage imagination or the whimsical, it's just our kids have mostly wanted to do whatever we are doing.

For her second birthday my husband made a little wooden play kitchen.  Before that, I had dedicated three drawers in the kitchen to assorted items she could play with and get out on her own.  My kitchen space and storage is scarce but this small sacrifice is worth it!

Remember, it is the nurturing interaction with you that they crave.  All of these are activities they want you to do with them.  Going to the park as a distraction is not the same as you reading them a book as they sit on your lap or having them pour dry ingredients while you mix.

After a while, you will be able to get some work done as they play next to you.  You can also include them in simple tasks around the house.  They can help you load the dishwasher, dry the floors after you mop, fill a pet's water dish, and help pour ingredients when you cook.  I know this makes dull tasks take longer but any way you can engage your toddler will help ease the transition from nursing.

Are they already in the middle of a big transitional or developmental phase?

Are you currently potty training or moving their sleep arrangement?  For a toddler, these are all very big transitions.  Also, if they are still healing from an illness or an injury you don't want to add to their challenges.  Have you started them at a new care provider or recently changed their schedule?

If you are doing any of these concurrently this will make it much more challenging for everyone involved and it will be the hardest on your little person.  You will create more problems than you are solving.  For a toddler, it is most important to focus on one big change at a time.   

Easing them into weaning is the best way to ensure a smoother transition from nursing.  I am not saying there won't be any bumps in your journey but it will be less challenging.

Change each nursing session to a nurturing session and you will be well on your way!

Next post:

The Post-Weaning Blues